Marie's
Story
My name
is Marie, and I'm a recovering alcoholic!
I'd like
to tell you my story, what happened, and what it's like now.
I am an
only child whose parents didn't drink - well, maybe one little scotch
on special occasions like New Years. I was never exposed to alcohol
until I met my husband who was then a social drinker. I joined in
the social drinking but alcohol was not a problem in my life. Over
time I found that I had become the designated driver as my husband
didn't know when enough was enough.
When I was
60; I was offered early retirement from my teaching job and it seemed
a good idea at the time. Financially I was going to be ok so I had
planned well there. What I didn't plan was what I was going replace
my teaching with. I thought that my husband and I would go off into
the sunset together, but he had his own plans and I was not a part
of them.
The first
morning of my retirement I read the paper, did the crossword puzzle
and then said to my husband, "What happens now?" He replied, "This
is it!" You can imagine how I felt.
Over the
next few weeks I became so depressed. With all that time on my hands,
I began to really look at our marriage and it started to disintegrate
before my eyes. I felt so unloved, unwanted, unappreciated and unneeded.
It was not a very pleasant time for me at all.
I just let
alcohol take over and didn't care what happened. I guess my husband
(a drinker himself) must have had some feeling for me because one
day he said to me, "You have a problem." I knew I had a problem
but didn't want to face up to it. After I thought about it, I said
I'd heard that people who have a drinking problem can go to AA for
help, so maybe I should call his friend Sandy. He's been sober for
10 years so maybe he can take me to a meeting. I did this and went
to my first A.A. meeting. I can't honestly say that I enjoyed it.
The people there spoke of losing everything and I still had everything;
my house, my car and my husband. Sandy said to try to see the similarities
and not the differences. He also suggested that I try several meetings
until I found one where I was comfortable and urged me to look for
someone who had a good sobriety record to become my sponsor.
I did find
a group where I felt at home and was fortunate to find a long time
member of A.A. who was willing to mentor me.
My husband
was still drinking, so it was quite hard for me to stay on the wagon.
I did have a slip from time to time, and my husband's comment was
"I don't know what you're going to A.A. for, you haven't learned
anything". I would reply, "What about you?" and he would say, "I'm
not an alcoholic - I go to the pub to drink; you drink at home and
hide your bottles!" So I was living with this person in denial who
gave me no support at all.
I also realized
that all of his friends were far more important than me. It made
me feel unworthy and rejected. When I had thoughts of drinking I
called my sponsor who would talk to me and sometimes we went out
for a coffee or to another meeting. This helped me over the difficult
times. I could try to figure out what triggered the idea.
I also had
to cope with my husband being a diabetic; a diabetic who was still
having a few drinks. I knew how much damage he was doing to himself
and I was frustrated and angry at his attitude. All this made it
difficult to stay sober but I managed to hang on.
Inevitably
my husband's kidneys and liver gave up and he passed away quite
suddenly.
After he
died, so many of my living problems were removed and I began to
plan the rejuvenation of my life. (I do not have any children, so
have only myself to think of) One thing I discovered is that I do
not need a man to affirm who I am. I got involved in a Scottish
Choir; found a friend who liked to play Par-3 golf and started going
to the symphony and theatre. I even began driving some older friends
to doctors' appointments and to get groceries.
A couple
of years ago I was introduced to SWAP (Seniors Well Aware Program)
and I find the meetings very interesting and instructive. I can
also help others by sharing my experiences by becoming involved
with the SWAP Players, a group of members who turn our stories into
theatre skits.
I have also
met a very good soul-mate in my SWAP group and we share a lot with
each other. Now when I have a desire to drink (which is not too
often nowadays) I get on the phone to my friend, or meditate or
take the dog for a walk. This helps the feeling to pass.
I am now
almost the free spirit I was before I was married and am alive again
and having fun!
Charlie's
Tale
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