The first thing is to begin discussing the alcohol
problem with the senior.
However obvious this seems it is often overlooked,
partly because people are busy, do not want to elicit anger in the
senior, or do not think it will help. 2
Sometimes, people refrain from asking because of
the "nice old man (or lady) process", as in "That nice old man could
not possibly have an alcohol problem. It must be something else".
3
Recovering seniors often talk about the point where
someone who cared first referred to the alcohol problem as a problem.
Often, the discussion started around the health connections between
the problems the senior was experiencing, and the alcohol problem.
This was when the senior began to look at the destructive effects
of his or her drinking. 4
Not every senior responds positively the first
time this is raised, or the second, or even the third. But the simple
fact is, if people remain silent about an alcohol problem, there
is little or no reason for the senior to consider change. Silence
reinforces any denial the senior may be feeling that there is a
problem. Silence can also indicate indifference to the senior as
a person.
Strangely, it is hard to imagine people not talking
about any other suspected health condition, (e.g. cancer, heart
disease) with a senior when it was having such an obvious effect
on the person's life. Indeed, it would probably be considered professionally
unethical to do so. 5
WHAT ARE THE
OPPORTUNITIES?
There is a common myth that seniors do not change
in response to help from alcohol problems.
In 1995, when we surveyed 120 service providers
across the province in a Background Study, we found that this negative
attitude was being expressed in different ways, among a number of
professions. 5
Even some of those who work in addiction treatment areas share this
belief, and assess older clients negatively.
In fact, research indicates seniors have a slight
edge over their younger counterparts, particularly when the treatment
is geared specifically to seniors' needs. 6
Seniors are more likely to stay in treatment, and more likely to have
a less hazardous pattern of drinking after receiving appropriate help.
Reducing or stopping use of alcohol or other problem
drugs improve the quality of life for a senior in a number of areas:
she or he often has more interest in socializing, less confusion
or memory problems, less depression or anxiety, and improved physical
health. 7
WHAT GETS BETTER?
We asked seniors in recovery for their personal
opinions on "What Gets Better?". They pointed to several areas:
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"Your
relationships"
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"Your
family - who may have rejected you, or you may have chased them
away"
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"Your
attitude improves"
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"Your
career isn't in jeopardy"
(for the younger senior who is still working)
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They also note:
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"I'm
spending less money"
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"I'm
more in control of my life"
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"I'm
not offending family as much"
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WHAT FOSTERS SUCCESS
Seniors in recovery and clinical practitioners
agree that all these help:
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Nonjudgmental
assistance
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Offering
hope and words of approval, such as:
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"You're
doing well"
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"Look
at how far you've come since last year" (or six months ago,
or last week)
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Compassion:
"We already hurt when we are drinking, we don't need more hurt"
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Understanding
- how the craving can get so strong
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Patience:
"My wife not making an issue (of the fact that I'm still drinking
some)"
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Showing
concern: Even if the person is drinking, ask, "how are you?"
Always remember that beneath the problem, there is still a person.
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Some seniors explain that those words of approval are crucial because
their sense of self-esteem has been ravaged.
WHAT UNDERMINES
SUCCESS
There are many pitfalls along the way. Three that
some seniors have noted are:
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Ease
of access: "Having Dial-a-Bottle delivery person who stops by
and mentions how 'he misses you'."
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"Having
your own 'pusher' at home".
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Family
strains: "Family who still aren't very patient with you ("Oh,
Dad..") even though you aren't drinking".
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Distrust:
"Family watching over your shoulder - expecting you to fail".
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HELPING SENIORS WITH ALCOHOL PROBLEMS
There are a number of useful principles to help
guide people wanting to help seniors who have alcohol problems.
These include:
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Understand
that problems that developed over a long period of time are
not going to get fixed overnight.
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Respect
the person. This is a person first, and a person with a specific
problem second (in this case, alcohol or another drug).
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Respect
the person's right to live at risk, to make choices that you
would disagree with.
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Don't
try to "unbuild or dismantle the person's whole life".
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Deal
with problems more holistically.
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Take
the time.
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Recognize
that circumstances can change rapidly - a senior who has an
alcohol problem, and who you thought was stable, can become
ill very quickly.
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Most
importantly, don't become discouraged.
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